I hate to sound so desperate but I feel like I am trapped in a really bad situation right now. I thought that for sure, we would move and being alone and having to work together on things would help us get back to where we were. I think I was just trying to fool myself.
Now I have moved to this new place where I don't know anyone, don't know my way around and he seems so comfortable and fine. I have been feeling a bit panicky since I went down to the pool yesterday and came back to nap for a bit and woke up to him sneaking out of the room.
Just found out this morning that he has a cellphone I didn't know about and I am curious if he has service already too without telling me.
The one thing that always worked in our marriage in the past was that we communicated. Unfortunately, I usually had to force the hard communications and the last time I did that, he said a bunch of things to me that hurt more than anything in my life and this made me leery of asking anymore hard questions.
In hindsight, I probably should have just asked, found out the truth so that instead of moving here with him and completely cutting myself off from everyone I love, I could have just moved back to the mainland and he could have moved on with his life that he seems to want that do.
Okay, had to leave for a bit and didn't get to finish my post. I ended up talking to one of my good friends and just getting some of this off my chest made me feel a lot better. I also managed to get a bit of food in me and went for a 2 mile walk which is always good...did some lunges too.
When I came back from walking, I decided to ask him outright about the phone. I knew he had purchased it but I just didn't know if he had service on it and if he was already making calls on it. He said that yes, it would work here and then I asked what kind of service he was thinking of us getting. He said, " I already have service on it". I asked since when, and he said " since yesterday"....I could have lost it but I didn't. I just asked him why he didn't tell me and why he didn't give me the number. He didn't respond. So I asked him to give me the number so I could put it in my phone.
I am going to focus on me, getting my shit together and I think that if things haven't improved by the time we get all of our stuff, I will look at moving into another place or asking him to move into another place. I just don't think I deserve to be treated like this and not have some kind of actual relationship with him. Right now, he acts like any conversation or time spent with me is a hassle...it is so obvious that is angry or something that he even has to deal with me at all. This is bullshit. I am a beautiful, active, smart woman and he is lucky to have me, that is for sure. I am not sure he will ever see that but it is true, and if he ends up down the road by himself and miserable, it won't be due to lack of trying on my part to work this whole mess out.
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