I was checking on my blogs today and realized it has been a while since I have updated things here.
Emotionally and physically things are pretty much the same. I am the only one that ever hears from him and it is only when he needs something from me business-wise. He hasn't spoken to anyone in his family since 2012 but at least I still know he is alive and kicking.
Some days, it really ticks me off how inconsiderate he is being and how patient I am being but then I can only control the way I react to things and not how he is behaving.
I will always love him. I don't see my life with anyone else, he is my one and only but I am also aware that this means I might be alone for the rest of my life, which isn't necessarily what I want.
I had a dream about him the other day...it was so real. Reminded me of one I had a long time ago when he was on a trip and I thought he was injured. This dream felt just like that. I kept telling myself that I was just dreaming but I couldn't wake myself up from it either and that was very unsettling. He was so sorry and so sad and it made my heart hurt for him.
I know that down deep, he is in pain...but I also know that he is pushing it so far down so he doesn't feel it.
